


Lonely Like the Moon

by lbk_princen



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Pre-Canon, Puppy Love, Sneaking Around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27065248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lbk_princen/pseuds/lbk_princen
Summary: “If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?”~~A late night conversation between a servant and her prince.
Relationships: Lan Fan & Ling Yao, Lan Fan/Ling Yao
Comments: 6
Kudos: 39





	Lonely Like the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> this is a spiritual sequel to my other lingfan fic Falling Like the Stars, though they can be read as standalones as well. This one’s slightly more shippy than the other one but honestly you could probably still read this as platonic sdlgkjdfkgsg

Lan Fan was long accustomed to Ling’s nighttime intrusions. It wasn’t every night that he came to her room under the cover of darkness with something weighing on his mind, but when he did she received him as warmly as she could. They both knew they would get in trouble if they were discovered, even if they weren’t technically doing anything wrong. It was just inappropriate for a prince to seek such a secretive audience with one of his servants. Even if they had been best friends all their lives.

This particular night, Ling had yet to say the reason for his visit. The two of them sat side by side on the floor of Lan Fan’s room, relishing in the darkness and the soft breathing of the other next to them.

Eventually, Ling seemed to gather himself, clenching his fists and taking a deep breath.

He said, “If I asked you to kiss me, would you do it?”

Lan Fan looked at him sharply. With the faint illumination trickling in from the window she could just barely make out the thin line of his lips, pressed into a neutral position.

In her mind, a battle raged. On the one hand, he was Ling Yao, crown prince of Xing, and she was his bodyguard and vassal, oath-bound to serve him and protect him with her life. On the other hand, he was a fourteen year old boy who was tall and handsome, and she was a fourteen (and a half) year old girl who had never kissed anyone before, and they were each other’s closest - and only - friend. A kiss would not be out of the question had they been anyone else.

“Why would you ask me that, my lord?” Lan Fan replied, adding the title to remind him of her position.

Ling looked away, but she caught the scowl anyway. “Don’t call me that,” he muttered.

He had made it clear early on that he preferred it if she dropped the formal titles when he visited her like this. She knew it was mean of her to throw it back in his face like that when he wanted to speak to her as an equal, but… well she didn’t really have an excuse. It was defensive, deflective; she wanted to avoid actually answering his question, wanted to avoid thinking about it at all.

“Sorry,” she apologized quietly. She hoped the conversation would die there.

Unfortunately for her, Ling was persistent. He pillowed his head upon his arms, which were propped up on his knees in front of him. With his head tilted to the side, he looked at Lan Fan from behind the curtain of his bangs. “Would you do it?” he asked again.

Lan Fan sat there, hands in her lap, tapping her thumbs together, and thought about it. She really shouldn’t think about it, about pressing her lips to Ling’s, about running her fingers through his loose, soft hair, or even about holding his hand in her own. She shouldn’t think about those things.

“I-it’s not my place,” she said finally, face aglow with embarrassment. “You shouldn’t ask me to do that.” The implied _but I would if you did_ hung thick in the air. Did he not realize, she wondered, that if he actually asked her, she would do it whether she wanted to or not? That she was bound to him more deeply than she was bound to anything else in the world? She would kill for him, _die_ for him. Of course she would kiss him if he asked.

The two of them let that soak in for a moment. Then Ling sighed. “Maybe I’m tired of always doing what I’m supposed to,” he said, voice soft but strangely bitter.

Lan Fan’s stomach twisted up a little. “What do you mean?” she asked. This wasn’t the first time he had expressed exasperation or fear about the things he was being set up for, but it was the closest he had come to outright rejecting his path.

“I mean, of course I care about the Yao,” he began, lifting his head. “Of course I care about justice and prosperity for our people, of course I want what’s best for them, but maybe I’m tired of doing things based on what other people tell me I should and shouldn’t do. What good is a leader who never decides anything for himself?”

“You’re still young,” Lan Fan replied. “They’re just trying to prepare you. You’ll make those decisions when you’re ready.”

“When _they_ decide I’m ready,” Ling shot back.

“We should respect the wisdom of our elders,” she advised.

Ling buried his face in his arms again. “You don’t get it,” he grumbled, muffled.

She stared down at her hands, and tapped her thumbs together some more. She _did_ get it, she just didn’t want to encourage any rebellious behaviour. It was hard for someone of his disposition - exuberant and sensitive and eager-to-please - to be put in a position like his, feared and respected and most of all, _groomed_. Lan Fan understood his misgivings, but also knew that a lot was riding on him. She debated whether it was better to be honest, or silent.

Choosing neither, she posed a question instead: “What would you say if I said we should run away?”

Ling stared at her. “Is this a trick?”

Lan Fan met his gaze evenly. “What would you say?” she repeated.

He took a deep breath, and released it all at once. “The idea does appeal to me,” he admitted. “But I could never go through with it. I can’t abandon our clan like that.”

The knot in Lan Fan’s stomach loosened a little. It was good to know that his priorities were still in the right place. “So, you just want to kiss me because it’s not allowed,” she said, confident in her hypothesis. “It’s your way of saying you don’t care about the rules without getting in trouble for breaking them.”

Ling looked away and said nothing.

After fidgeting with her hands for a moment, Lan Fan made a choice. She scooted even closer, until their sides were pressed together, and put her arm around Ling’s shoulders. He immediately leaned into the embrace, probably just excited that she was initiating for once. She never offered him hugs.

His arms wrapped around her middle and his cheek came to rest on her shoulder. She let out a short, contented sigh as the warmth of his body soaked through her nightclothes and into her skin. She could feel his chest expand with each breath. Here, in her arms, was Ling Yao - the person, not the idea. The realness of him took her breath away.

It struck her then, how lonely he must feel. Her own loneliness was a quiet thing, warded off by conversations with her grandfather and forgotten about through distractions like training. But Ling’s loneliness was different. His only true equals were his rivals, the other heirs; everyone else either wanted something from him, or was bound to serve him.

She didn’t have the words to tell him that she understood (especially because she fell into the latter category, and it would only serve to remind him as such) so instead she gave his shoulders a small squeeze and rested her head atop his. It was her way of reassuring him.

He mimicked her sigh, soft and happy, so it seemed to have done the trick. Lan Fan’s throat ached with words she couldn’t bring herself to say. Silence was its own cruelty, but it was one that she shouldered well. After a while, Ling shifted slightly, causing her to lift her head again.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you that,” he murmured, soft and tinged with shame.

Lan Fan lightly rubbed his back. It felt illicit, too intimate, and her face burned because the thing was, she had thought about it. If he had pressed just a little harder, if he had asked her one more time, she might have even done it. Because the thought of kissing him didn’t repulse her - it made her heart jump a little, even - it just wasn’t allowed. He was a prince, she was just… Lan Fan.

“I’m not angry,” she murmured back. She nudged him gently. “You should get back to your room though. I don’t want you to get caught.”

Rather than sit up at her nudge, he clung to her even tighter, pressing his face into her neck. “Please can I stay?” he asked. His voice was quiet, vulnerable. He could be stubborn about a lot of things, but she knew from the quality of his tone that he was really, truly asking her, and if she refused him, he would go. Ling liked to get what he wanted, but he never wanted to cause problems for her.

She thought about refusing him for all of three seconds before she caved. “Fine, but you should be back in your room before sunrise,” she warned as they disentangled.

Ling nodded in agreement, then yawned. Lan Fan yawned back. The two of them crawled into her bed, hands to themselves but close enough to feel each other’s warmth, and quickly found themselves back to sleep.

When she woke up, he was already gone. She ignored the disappointed weight that settled in her chest, and got ready for morning training. Even with all her discipline, it was hard work to stop imagining what might have happened if she _had_ kissed him.


End file.
